Adam Hall
 

Well, our new little one is two weeks old tonight, and I've finally gotten a minute to write this down!

It's hard to know where to begin...Our last birth left me in pain for nearly 5 months. Our DD was 11 lbs, and the midwife called in the OB to deliver the baby. He cut an episiotomy that tore through. The midwife casually said afterward that maybe we'd want to stop w/ 3 children. I cried for 6 weeks, both because of the physical pain of the huge 4th degree tear and the emotional pain of 1) feeling like "damaged" goods and especially 2) grieving the large family we wanted. We decided that any more children we had would be born at home. (Barring any complications.)

I struggled w/ fear over having more children for 3 years. Then, the Lord convicted DH and me both that we should not be avoiding having children out of fear. We stopped using natural family planning and expected to be expecting within a couple months. Seven months later, I visited an OB/GYN to see if there was a physical problem keeping me from conceiving. He gave me a clean bill of health and said it was just a timing thing.

While at the doctor, I had them do a pregnancy test, which was negative. Still, I was weeks late having my period, so I also took a home test. It was positive. We were thrilled. But the fear still lingered over childbirth.

During the time we were trying to conceive, we had contacted some midwives that do homebirths. All but one turned us down, due to the fact that they were too far away. The first time we met Midwife Kathy, we knew she was The One. We did prenatal visits at her house and spent a couple hours talking w/ her each time. Reid and I never doubted that the Lord put her in our lives. We would have to deliver at her home, due to state laws (she's in TN, we're in KY). She showed us her birth room, decked out in Anne Geddes prints and angels. It's gorgeous. Not to mention the huge tub in the bathroom.

Everything went along great. My health and the baby's health were really good. We were excited to be having our baby at Kathy's, but I still struggled w/ fear and felt haunted by our last birth. Reid was a rock, always reminding me that we were doing what the Lord asked of us.

At my 35 week checkup, Kathy couldn't find the baby's heartbeat. She handed the Doppler to her daughter, Jennifer (who is also a midwife). She couldn't find it either. Then, they discovered that they were looking for the heartbeat in the wrong place as the baby was breech. I was stunned. I immediately felt any hope of a homebirth leave me. Kathy and Jennifer tried to reassure me that the baby had plenty of time and room to turn, and that that is just what they expected he'd do. (We knew by that time that the baby was a boy! After three wonderful girls!)

We had also decided at that visit that we would attempt to induce labor at 37 weeks. We decided that for many reasons, mainly because of some hormonal issues I have. Kathy instructed us to order our birth kit. I cried most of the two hours home, thinking, "What would be the point of ordering a birth kit? The baby's breech." We prayed and prayed and asked many others to pray. We ordered the birth kit, which I thought was money down the drain, but still, I prayed the Lord would turn the baby. Kathy suggested seeing a chiropractor to be sure everything was lined up so that the baby *could* turn when he decided to. The chiropractor did the Webster Technique for turning breech babies. This was the 36th week.

The night I was 37 weeks, we had an ultrasound to see if the baby had turned. If so, we would meet Reid's wonderful parents in a city close to Kathy's house. They would stay in a hotel w/ the girls, while we labored at Kathy's. We rejoiced when the ultrasound guy said the baby was head down! We were so excited to be going to have our baby, we forgot to pay him. He spoke up urgently when we started out the door, reminding us of his fee. Reid's hand shook as he wrote out the check. We jumped in the van and headed to Kathy's.

When we got to her house, she listened to the baby and took my blood pressure. Everything was perfect. She handed us a blender and instructed us to make a "castor oil milk shake" at the hotel (we stayed there that night) and come back the next morning or when labor started, whichever came first.

The milkshake was disgusting and never did anything. We went back to her house and began a battery of labor inducing techniques. Nothing seemed to be working. Kathy was surprised. We were disappointed. Five days later, we decided to go home. Reid's parents had the girls all that time at the hotel and we knew they were exhausted. We missed the girls so much. The morning we decided to go home, we and Kathy were flooded w/ peace that it was time to stop trying until the baby was due. A friend said, "Aren't you so disappointed to not have your baby?" I told her honestly that, no, I felt really good about things. Very few people get to spend the amount of intense time w/ their midwives that we got to. Also, the birth room became "home," so I knew I'd be comfortable there when the baby came. We saw how life at Kathy's house was and how we fit into that. We decided her family showed the "gold standard" of hospitality. There was such peace there, though many, many people came through there that week. We met some really neat folks. We got to have prayer time w/ Kathy, Jennifer and Shannon (Kathy's assistant/our doula). We had some really meaningful times of discussing the Bible and our Lord. We talked at length with Kathy about our last birth. I was amazed to realize that by the end of the week, I felt totally healed of that miserable birth experience. I believe that week at Kathy's was a gift to us to prepare us for this birth. We were amazed at the generosity of Kathy's family. We were also amazed at the servant heart of Reid's parents in caring for our girls that week. It was an intensely spiritual time.

I was 39 weeks along on Valentine's Day. Reid's parents had come to stay with the girls and me that weekend, as Reid was gone across the state for Nat'l Guard drill. They helped do many household chores that needed doing. I also met Kathy that day, to pick up some herbs that help prepare the body to labor. She shared with me about a photography student at a college in the region who had contacted her, wanting to do a project on homebirth. She felt that the Lord wanted this young man at our birth, and asked us to pray about it. I assured her we would. I thought it sounded neat. That night, Feb. 14, I was preparing spaghetti for us all, while Reid's dad read aloud and Reid's mom helped our eldest DD learn to use the sewing machine. I was enjoying my lively house so much, that I wasn't paying close enough attention to my cooking, and splashed boiling water onto my belly. It didn't burn at first, because of my shirt. Then, when it started burning, I yanked off my shirt, pulling up a layer of skin w/ it. I called the hospital and they wanted me to come in. Reid's mother took me to the e.r. while his dad watched the girls. I was so thankful that 1) Reid had drill that weekend--otherwise we'd have had to take the girls 2) that I wasn't alone. The burn covered about a foot square, but was not intensely painful until the next day, when I had to change the dressing. I realize now that I was close to going into shock when the burn happened. I'm so thankful that I didn't.

 
That week of dressing changes was the most pain I've ever experienced. I assumed our hope of a homebirth was "up in smoke." I was weak and shaky and my pulse raced. The burn didn't seem to be healing and I was now "due." Reid's dad had stayed w/ us that week, as I couldn't do anything for about 3 days. I was very depressed. I became amazed at Job in the Bible and how he was able to withstand such pain, and still keep trusting God. I was angry w/ God and myself. I contacted a friend of mine in CA to tell her about the burn and ask her to pray. She told me that she had done the very same thing while pregnant and she had some "miracle cream" that would help. She sent the cream overnight and within 24 hours, we were shocked at the healing that had happened. By now, I was 40 weeks and 3 days. I felt so encouraged to have the pain relieved. I also felt loved by God that He (through my friend) sent us that medicine. I began to hope again that the baby would be born at Kathy's.

At 40 weeks and 4 days, we returned to Kathy's to try to induce again. This was a Wed. We met the photography student and immediately liked him. Reid and I had already talked and prayed about it, and agreed w/ Kathy that (for some reason) he was supposed to be there.

Thursday night, we agreed to have Kathy break my water, if she could. She couldn't. I wasn't dilated enough to get the hook through my cervix. I cried. That night, I decided that the next day, I would ask to see Kathy's back up OB to look at inducing in the hospital. We knew the baby was over 10 pounds and that I was nearly 41 weeks. After all we'd tried, to no avail, we assumed the doctor would ask us to come in immediately. We were all shocked when he said, "Well, the baby is fine...the mother is fine...they want a home birth...why should we induce today? Let's wait, and if she doesn't go into labor by Monday, I'll meet you at the hospital." We were so happy. We left Kathy's and headed back to our girls. As we started out, I was flooded with peace about the birth. I figured it would be in the hospital--which we had no money for, but I knew God would work it out. I thought it might even end up a c/section, but I released my desires to God to deal with. I admitted that I had no control over the birth, really, and that I was deciding to trust God with all the details. I was tired of trying so hard to engineer everything. Reid spoke with utter conviction, "The baby will be born at Kathy's."
Reid's parents had again stayed w/ the girls while we were at Kathy's. Kathy sent us home w/ some "induction stuff," which I took every 4 hours. My contractions picked up some time during the night, but I knew they still weren't strong enough to produce a baby. At 6:30 Sat. morning, Reid left for work. At 6:45 I got up to go to the bathroom, then lay back down. I was starting to get concerned, because my contractions seemed to be concentrated in one area. I was afraid that something was wrong. I lay in bed, praying that God would protect our little one and me. All of a sudden, I felt a gush of liquid. I began praying--"Lord, let that be water, not blood." I'm not sure why I was worried, but I was. I got into the bathroom and checked--it was water! I was delighted. I knew then that *GOD* wanted to decide when my water broke. I was in awe of how much fluid there was. With our first, my sac didn't break until the baby was crowning. With the other two, the midwife insisted on breaking the bag as part of the inductions. So, this was the first time it broke "unexpectedly." I called Reid, who had just reached his workplace. Then I called Kathy to let her know we were on our way there. She asked if I thought I was in "active labor" and I said, "No." Within minutes, I knew I *was* in active labor. The contractions were very strong, but tolerable. We forgot almost everything we needed to take, except the birth kit. Again, my hope was renewed that we might actually get to use it. We had been praying so hard that the Lord would use this birth to "prove His design" for childbirth. We knew I would need help getting labor started, but we prayed that would be all the interventions there would be.

As we drove to Kathy's, I was hungry and thirsty, but the contractions were so intense and long, we decided not to stop. I was sitting in a pool of amniotic fluid the whole way. I couldn't wait to get to Kathy's and get into the tub.

We noticed about 20 minutes from Kathy's that the photographer was driving right behind us. Kathy had called him when I called her. He got a really neat picture of our van, driving along on the way to have the baby.

When we got to Kathy's house, I really had to concentrate to get through the contractions. She checked my cervix and I held my breath. What would she say? I didn't dare hope to be more than 3-4 cms. SEVEN!! Wahoo! And it was only 9 a.m.! I thought, "Wow! We could have this baby by noon!"

The contractions were very, very intense and I moved around a lot. The tub actually didn't do much for me, so I got out and prowled around--from the birth ball to all fours, to side lying, to leaning on Reid, to sitting on the toilet. I didn't realize until we later saw the pictures just *how* much moving around I did. I was everywhere. By noon, I was running out of steam. I couldn't get comfortable. Kathy asked if I was feeling "pushy." I didn't know. She didn't want to check me again, but I really wanted her to, so she did. I wanted to *know* if it was ok to push yet. She checked and said I had a lip of cervix, but everything else was ready. So, I didn't push. Time wore on with no urge to push. Then my contractions began to fizzle out. I was needing so much reassuring that everything was ok. I said, "In the hospital, they wouldn't let me be complete this long." Kathy agreed, but reminded me that the baby's heartbeat was strong and steady and that my blood pressure and everything else was fine. She assured me she had no tee time that day.

I began pushing late that afternoon, but the contractions were so weak, I wasn't making much progress. Kathy and Reid decided I needed more medicine to help the contractions strengthen. I resisted at first, knowing that would increase the pain. Then Kathy pointed out that we could go on like that for hours more, if we didn't get the contractions stronger. So, I agreed. At 7 p.m. I took the last dose. At around 8 or a little after, the contractions picked up and the baby began to move down, but slowly. I was fighting despair. At 8:30, Kathy suggested Reid blow the shofar to call Adam to come. When she mentioned that, I burst into tears, as a dear friend had prophesied that this baby would become a "shofar blower" for our family. Jennifer went and got the horn, and Reid blow long and loud. He then laid hands on my belly and spoke to Adam, telling him to come out, it was time. I was flooded with a renewed energy and determination to push out this baby.

Pushing has always been the hardest part of childbirth for me. I just don't "get it." Also, Adam's head was asynclitic, so Kathy was having to hold his head straight, while pressing on my perineum to help me know how to push. They had tied socks to the bed's headboard for me to pull against. Reid was supporting one leg, and Shannon and Jennifer the other. Kathy and I were locked into each others' eyes. I was drawing such strength from her calm reassurance. By this point, I'd drained Reid and he says he was so glad that Kathy and I connected because he was empty by that point.

Someone set a mirror by my bottom to show me the progress I was making. I never thought I would want to see that, but it was amazing. At first, I couldn't see anything, just a flattening of my own skin. A few minutes later, I was sure no baby was coming. Then, I saw Reid's face light up. He saw hair!! By now, someone else had my leg. With another few contractions, the baby was crowning. Wow! That hurt! It was a tremendous struggle to not panic, but everyone's face was so happy, I knew things were ok. Kathy helped Adam's head out and worked to get his shoulders free, and then with another push, Reid caught his son. It was 8:47 p.m., Feb. 28. I couldn't believe he was out! After a few seconds, Reid laid my greasy, vernix-covered baby on my stomach. I cried and cried. It was amazing. I had someone call in our younger two girls (our eldest video taped the birth--she was so awed by it all.) After a few minutes, we called in Reid's parents. They oogled the baby while I delivered the placenta.

Come to find out, the placenta had some oddities that could have really caused us problems. The connection between the umbilical cord and the placenta was very fragile. Kathy said that if we'd been w/ an OB, he very well may have tried to "help" the placenta come out by pulling on the cord. If that would have happened, the cord could have broken off and I would have begun hemorrhaging. I believe that the concern I was feeling right before my water broke was some sort of "knowledge" that there was an anomaly w/ the placenta, and a call to prayer about that.

When Kathy weighed our little man, he weighed 10 pounds 14 oz. He was 22 inches long, with a 15 cm head and 18 cm shoulders. And, praise the Lord, I had *no* tears whatsoever. I believe the Lord wanted this baby to be the same size as our last to show me that I *can* bear large babies and do it without tearing. I believe He *did* prove His design in this birth, at least to me. I believe I *am* strong and I *am* able to birth babies. I believe this birth was a gift to us in many ways, as circumstances in the past year had left us rather defeated. We knew God was good, all the time, but sometimes the way was very dark. We're so thankful that God saw fit to give us this birth. We're thankful to Him for leading us to Kathy and Jennifer and Shannon and S.S. (the photographer.) We're thankful for my burn, as it caused us to be so-o-o-o weak, that we knew it would only be by HIS strength and HIS grace and mercy that our baby would be born at home. Many didn't even believe we would be able to avoid a c/section, let alone have the baby at home. The Lord is so good. His mercies are never ending.

Praise be to God!